Beethoven's about as good as it gets, but the kids are coming close

Please tell me I'm not the only one whose emotions fluctuate like the high seas from day to day and from moment to moment. Is this what children do to you? Sometimes, the weight of my ever deepening affections nearly takes away my breath. It settles until it materializes as a big lump in my throat.

It comes when I am watching our teenagers study in the library at night and admire how far they've come. When Ebinezer runs to me and asks whether I would please let him fill out a math worksheet instead of going to PE (a soft spot for the nerds). And it comes at many other entirely unexpected and serendipitous moments throughout the day.

I never knew it was possible to love quite this much, especially when the relationship isn't consanguine. It surprises and delights me. My one year morphs into two and the children's idiosyncrasies and variegated little personalities emerge more and more. The better I know them and the more time we've spent plowing painstakingly through upturned rows of words, or math problems, the better I love them.

I hardly recognize myself with all this sentimentality, but here you go.

And then, there are other days. Please tell me I'm not the only one who loses it after incessant whining. My official name--which debuted as Principal Ma'am, had a brief stint as Celina Ma'am, and has conclusively ended up as just Ma'am--comes in as many as four syllables. Who knew?

Please tell me I'm not the only one who starts yelling back at obstreperous children who are unfortunate enough to cross my path after 4pm. I promise I'm as patient as Job before then.

Please tell me I'm not the only one who is baffled to tears at how to manage fighting, teasing, stealing and impudent lying to cover it up, mean-spirited comments, and passive-aggressive behavior. Am I?

And please tell me I'm not the only one with just a little bit of anguish at night, wondering whether I neglected a needy child simply because of my limitations, whether I settled a dispute unfairly, or whether anyone went away from me disappointed. Did I do enough that day?